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The Crisis Last Night

by Avery Indigo

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Laura Jordan
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1.
Love and Anarchy 03:47
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Am I vessel in shedding skin Or a man who can’t stand his own reflection The longer I live the further I move away from the mirrors That remind me of who I’ll never be My eyes are heavy And your heart burns I’d like a diagnosis or disease To confirm it’s not all in my head If i could bury your pain and fears I’d give it all so you could breathe again I’d give it all so you could breathe again The doors never stay open for long So I felt lucky when I met (met you) Was happy that I kept you We met in the dark in between a broken car, in between deep scars And why should we care about happy endings When we met in the dark But no one cared about me So thank God, that I met you Lost my faith Lost my friends Lost my reason to breathe again An Anarchist without sustenance A life of shame without penitence No one’s holding my hand The door’s closed again The lights went out where we begin I have dreams where I have died and I feel terrified But I’m not scared to die I’m scared to wake up I’m scared to wake up I’m scared to wake up
2.
Chasing Pavements 04:44
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Expect to be alone ‘Cause no one’s ever home I take my pills to numb The thoughts I had for so long So what's my purpose Tracing the same circles ‘Cause I’m invisible Chasing my own shadows Chasing pavements (on the move) Chasing pavements (on the move) The demons in heaven And angels in hell- There’s demons in heaven And angels in hell So tell me why I’m supposed to be a perfect Machine I say my prayers and wait in line Searching for innocence from a simpler time, a simpler time The flames dance in the dark- my head is cold like ocean waves I see your smile when you cry Said can we go somewhere different (different) ‘Cause I’m invisible Chasing my own shadows Chasing pavements (on the move) Chasing pavements (on the move) The demons in heaven And angels in hell- The world’s a beautiful place when you belong but what do we do if we don’t- Should we bury our heads in the sand to make others feel safe or pack our bags and take a chance I never asked for this I do not consent I do not consent I never asked for this I do not consent I do not consent I do not consent ‘Cause I’m invisible Chasing my own shadows Chasing pavements (on the move) Chasing pavements (on the move) Scared to ride the wave Scared to throw the past away Chasing Pavements Chasing Pavements
3.
Best Worst Place 04:13
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What the fuck What the fuck can I say to you When the world's coming down on me I've got nothing left to lose, that I haven't burned in my heartbreak In my heartbreak (What the fuck, what the fuck) I want to get out of my own head Show me the man who lives upon the hill Show me the man who doesn't kill his friends The earth bleeds like we bleed but she doesn't need us here- And I hope she goes nova ‘Cause I don’t believe in hope or stable things ‘Cause no one looked out for- Can we say that anyone cared ‘Cause I was falling off of mountains Into the ocean Into the ocean It was so cold and dark But no one came to save me So here I am Giving all my faith to man in the sky who left me to die And hope didn’t change the world We did We did And this is the worst place we could ever think of What the fuck What the fuck can I say to you When the world's coming down on me I've got nothing left to lose, that I haven't burned in my heartbreak In my heartbreak ‘Cause I don’t believe in hope or stable things ‘Cause no one looked out for- Can we say that anyone cared ‘Cause I was falling off of mountains
4.
Kill Yourself 03:49
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Kill Yourself You talk about the world like it’s somewhere new, like you know all the scriptures and what to do Talk to me like you’re the saint of something sacred Well I won’t miss you Well I won’t miss you Entitled prick with no resolve I wish you’d die You’re lower than waste Your birth was a mistake You have no spine I wish I knew the truth of you, before I trusted you I’ll never make it to heaven, so I’ll take my chances I was born a sinner, so I’ll die in the grave I was born into You say you’re sick with a disease well burn yourself and set me free I hate your complaints and your “woe is me” Betrayed your friends for a change of pace It’s convenient if you just kill yourself If I don’t agree with what you said I’m a bad person, “It’s in your head” Cry me tears and leave me unread And you’re the worst person I’ve ever met You’re the worst person that I’ve ever met (That I’ve Met) Here we are Chasing stars We tried to trust you but you let us down again You never cared at all But here we are trying to breathe And who were you And who was I supposed to be And who was I, but a hollow machine for you But a hollow machine for you I’ll never make it to heaven, so I’ll take my chances I was born a sinner, so I’ll die in the grave I was born into
5.
Emo Heart 03:33
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Everybody wants to tell me how to live my life But whose the one that wakes up in my skin I'm a stranger (but I'm a stranger) Yeah, we're oceans apart But I can feel you deep inside my bones And how I love you Well you're terrified and I'm scared to death of your hesitation- But can I see your scars Yeah there's blood on your lips and there's dried blood in my heart And we started a fire but is this the end or just the start Broken hearts never meant to be here But sometimes goodbye is a second chance We're fighting the mirrors but good god I wanna jump Yeah, we're oceans apart But can I feel you deep inside my bones And how I love you Everyday, here we are Praying for the pain to subside I need a god Where is your god Where is our god Yeah, we're oceans apart But I can feel you deep inside my bones And how I love you
6.
::: Sink or Swim 02:57
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Denial and delusion is where we lay our heads Praying to our gods for our second chances Believing in karma- but you're rich and I'm poor But you're rich and I'm poor 'Cause everybody wants to live forever And we'll kill to stay alive No love for another I'll kill my friends and kill my brothers It's time to sink or swim before this life kills me Before it kills me My memory is clouded I'm stuck in all this pain I'd love to die again I haven't found it I haven't found it I put a bullet into my head I wanted escape but I am death I hate knowing you It's sad but true- but we are two hopeless souls searching for a better view Cause everybody wants to live forever And we'll kill to stay alive No love for another I'll kill my friends and kill my brothers It's time to sink or swim before this life kills me Before it kills me
7.
The Girl with Shattered Eyes 03:56
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There's a girl who lives in the hallway You think she's a visitor but she has no choice You tied her up with the rope you brought But the joke's on you She's never going to leave You better run She's not afraid She's seen worse days Walked alone in the dark and owns the night You better run She's not afraid She'll get revenge another day She fell in the sea and all the pain inside her head created a hurricane With shattered eyes she lived in silence and shame There's a sadness in her bones And my eyes- shatter like the ocean There's a hope inside the sunset that I don't rely on I don't trust it I've seen the way the stars fall down (Fall over me) The earthquake shakes the ground The pain inside my head is going nowhere Her eyes are shattered like the earth While God ignored her prayers- And I know God is a man because he never listens He rather hate than love us Taught me to be patient but the cuts under my skin never heal Her apparition still lives in the walls So where do we go from here You better run She's not afraid She's seen worse days Walked alone in the dark and owns the night You better run She's not afraid She'll get revenge another day She fell in the sea and all the pain inside her head created a hurricane With shattered eyes she lived in silence and shame Where is God- If he's in the Earth, stop the sea from swallowing me If he's in the sky- take me home 'Cause Shattered eyes are hard to hold together
8.
Neurotic Personality Disorder 03:52
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I complain but can you blame me I was born a negative creep I was shallow and tearing my teeth Broken bones, no safety for me Watch the shore fall into the sea Broken eyes are clarity Tears so deep they cut inside me Fall away, eternity Playing with matches Reactive They burn so clearly Reactive Iridescent To leave me, alone Dissociate like the pain in me Wanna be a person not a dream Feels so real Feels so fake Dissociate like the pain in me Wanna be a person not a dream (Dream) Can we fall asleep tonight I’m paralyzed in the dark running from the eyes of God Eyes so judgemental Split personalities, Neurotic enemies Phase in, phase out I can’t breathe Phase in, fade out I can’t breathe Someone tell me what I’ve done I was so innocent and young With an arm around my neck No one cared Someone tell me what I’ve done I was so innocent and young Hung by my betrayal Cause I feel blue And I feel shame Wish my head would work And all this pain would fall away, fall away (Fall away) I feel shame and I am blue What about the future of you I don’t know if I’ll be home Playing with matches Reactive The catalyst Matches Reactive Iridescent Dream Dissociate like the pain in me Wanna be a person not a dream Feels so real Feels so fake Dissociate like the pain in me Wanna be a person not a dream (Dream)
9.
The Curse 03:36
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Castles made of water, cannot stand for long People born into graves cannot belong Empty hands can't be filled up A stagnant heart will stay stuck And what can I say come tomorrow morning Because I was born dead And will you be here when I wake up Cause I know I'm so hard to rely on Yes I'm burning like a fire But I am a mess And this is the curse of existence We're beaten so fucking bad that we wanna die I was born with broken bones In a coffin made out of the mistakes of the creator I am a bastard son I am the only one Castles made of water, cannot stand for long People born into graves- live in darkness alone Yes it's nice to meet you even though you don't know my name Yes it's nice to greet you even though I feel so old Yes I'm burning like a fire But I am a mess This is the curse of existence We're beaten so fucking bad that we wanna die Think I rather die here Then die on my own I was cursed the day I was born Don't you know I'm tired of this ending
10.
Painless 02:59
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I started out at the bottom, chasing my fears alone Searching for a new shore, to call my home But I die to feel alive Cause it cuts, and it bleeds, and it runs so deep in me And it cuts, and it burns, and it bleeds and it burns- a fire in me Let me Run (Scared of my Demons) Run (Mirrors committed treason) Run (Am I going up or down) Run (Scared of leaving this all behind) Run (Scared of my reasons to leave this all behind) Let me run (Turn the lights out and darken up my eyes) Talk to myself Talk to myself Refuse the help Refuse the help Swear your fine Swear your fine Love you mom, Love you dad Love you mom, Love you dad Can’t be happy, always sad Can’t be happy, always sad A black heart never cried so hard Tracing shapes inside your dark You sleep with eyes wide open In love with hell I know that no one is looking down on me Cause I don’t feel a holy spirit in heaven- Have you seen my pain Cause it cuts, and it bleeds, and it runs so deep in me And it cuts, and it burns, and it bleeds and it burns- a fire in me
11.
Standing on My Own Grave 03:52
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If I could stand up straight I think I’d leave this place Think I’d leave this place ‘Cause I’m some damn tired of waking up at midnight Just to see my own reflection And I swear I’m gone Yeah, we’re waking up at midnight Just to taste the color of your eyes And I feel so alone Yeah, we’re waking up at midnight Even though you’re so far apart I know you’re together If I could sink in the ocean I’d take that chance, today If I could find a place to play again, I’d fade away I don’t care about anyone or anything now that I’m so broken Do you think I should give a damn about this My life is empty and frail and so are my friends I’m in the dark Talking to the ghost inside of my head How long can I waste away in this coffin Yeah, we fall down but we get back up And we ask ourselves, what’s it for I’m standing on my grave Trying to find my place Trying to find my peace In a world I don’t- wanna be here Just wanna escape If I could sink in the ocean I’d take that chance, today If I could find a place to play again, I’d fade away I don’t care about anyone or anything now that I’m so broken Do you think I should give a damn about this My life is empty and frail and so are my friends I bleed in dark blue with a blade too dull to wake me up So I wait in line for my time to die This is escape from a tragic life
12.
Scared to Be Happy 02:52
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You don't know anything about me But I know I'm scared to be happy They took everything that I had Capitalism was my favorite deadbeat dad Let the walls come down on me I'm a faulty selfish machine The knife they left in my back didn't kill me You better run because I think I’m happy You can tell I'm suicidal You can tell I'm a mess I love to feel psychotic Say hello to psychosis I think I'm having a breakdown No, no, noooo I'm having a breakdown I guess it's time to go to sleep But I'm always wide awake Don't you know sleep is for the weak So don't say that you're happy Don't say that I'm your friend Yes, I'm a bastard orphan But I'm not afraid to die again Let the walls come down on me I'm a faulty selfish machine The knife they left in my back didn't kill me You better run because I think I’m happy Let the walls come down on me I'm a faulty selfish machine The knife they left in my back didn't kill me You better run because I think I’m happy
13.
Enigma in Exile 03:25
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Every revolution started in one man’s mind Can we stop and stare at everyone outside of mind I’m trying to be a little one A better change but I’m so miserable Said goodnight Said goodbye See everyone fall to suicide Everybody wants to tear me down Everybody to tear me down Enigma with no body to be found A black rose for a heart growing from the ground- From the ground Everybody wants to live forever Everybody wants to live forever But do you wanna try But do you wanna try But do you wanna try Said goodnight Said goodbye See everyone fall to suicide Said goodnight Said goodbye See everyone fall to suicide Are you surprised at what you see There’s no one looking for salvation here So let’s kill ourselves Kill ourselves Contradictions never lie but this is I (I) Take your time with me and find (Find) I wanna be somebody so bad (Bad) Do you know anybody coming around Said goodnight Said goodbye See everyone fall to suicide Said goodnight Said goodbye See everyone fall to suicide
14.
Sulk 03:32
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I wanna sulk in the sun and play with a gun Kill all the love- I wanna run just for the fun My body aches and I'm in so much pain And I feel so ugly AndI feel so small 'Cause I don't want to see you Fall through the cracks in all our dreams In all our dreams So please don't lose your flame Cause you're taller than the mountains that keep you down The smallest waves shape the earth So don't lose your flame Everybody wants to be a better version of me Everybody wants to be a better version of me Say I'm the only one living in catatonia Say I'm the bastard son who needs medicine Cause I don't want to see you Fall through the cracks in all our dreams In all our dreams So please don't lose your flame Cause you're taller than the mountains that keep you down The smallest waves shape the earth So don't lose your flame Baby I'm staring at the sun Baby cutting is my fun Baby I'm staring at the sun Baby I'm playing with a gun Cause I am so tired of talking to the mirrors on the walls My reflection stings I- cause I am so tired of sulking in the shadows talking to the mirrors that don't wanna see my face Cause I am so tired of looking at myself Looking at my shadows fading into nothing
15.
Weakness 02:52
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We talk about a fucked up person But darling it takes two broken people to hold things together We talk about a betrayal and how I let you down I’m sorry I couldn’t make you whole But I was trying to keep the gun from my head The lights out We wasted The best years of our lives We’re feeling so cold I guess we weren’t meant to last If this is love, I don’t want it If this is love, I don’t need it If this is love, I don’t want it If this is love, I don’t need it I’m so weak and miserable A cliche about a broken light bulb that never lights the room- You’re right Im kinda pathetic You’re wrong I never meant to hurt you I can’t prove myself to you Because you’re not listening I don’t expect mountains to move But can someone please give me a chance The lights out We wasted The best years of our lives We’re feeling so cold I guess we weren’t meant to last If this is love, I don’t want it If this is love, I don’t need it If this is love, I don’t want it If this is love, I don’t need it
16.
Lay Where I Lay 03:35
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‘Cause I don’t wanna say goodnight Chasing father time A hollow husk of a man I’m in love but what’s our plan I’m in love but what’s our plan My head is broken My eyes are frozen The pain is deep inside my lungs (Lungs) I lay where I lay Sleep where I pray Think where I break Seal the coffins I lay where I lay Sleep where I pray Think where I break Seal the coffin Never said I was a saint So stop trying to say that I’m your parasite (Parasite) (Parasite) (Parasite) ‘Cause I don’t wanna say goodnight Chasing father time A hollow husk of a man I’m in love but what’s our plan I’m in love but what’s our plan I lay where I lay Sleep where I pray Think where I break Seal the coffins I lay where I lay Sleep where I pray Think where I break Seal the coffin
17.
Candle Light 03:50
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As I sit As I breathe on my own I wanna scream at the sky and let my pain scare the angels in heaven Make them light my way, the way they should've done, the day that I was born Make them build a place, a place for me to lay A place I can light my candle And I can't sleep Tasting regret on my tongue The bitterness lives in me Feeling like a broken machine Without a remedy Searching far and wide for a cure that heals my heart And do you feel it too 'Cause I am crying out for you But I don't know who you are But can you love me like I am your only reason to live I wanna breathe you in like my oxygen To sleep To dream To think To feel To float away Be my light, in my dark My candle light That lights my dark- I swear to the stars that I wanna bleed all over the floor
18.
In the Deep 03:39
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Well it’s winter, in my head And I can’t take the darkness in me In me In me There’s a cold that breaks my bones And there’s a soul that’s dead That’s dead When I said goodnight I meant I’m going home Drowning in a storm for far too long Who was I So don’t hate me when I’m gone Cause I can’t stay here while I’m in the dark So please forgive me and let me rest in peace, in the deep Cause I want to be, whole again Cause I want to be, whole again Cause I want to be, whole again Cause I want to be, whole again Well I’m frozen in my pain And I can’t shake the coldness in my bed Cause I need you now Cause I wanna be safe but I don’t know how When I said goodnight I meant I’m going home Drowning in a storm for far too long Who was I So don’t hate me when I’m gone Cause I can’t stay here while I’m in the dark So please forgive me and let me rest in peace, in the deep
19.
Paragon (Album Version) 04:48
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I, Pray Stop and sink with me I, pray Stop and stare at me ‘Cause I don’t wanna be a hollow machine (Machine) ‘Cause I don’t wanna die between all my dreams- here (Here) ‘Cause I’m trying to find the my way back into the color but the dark is so familiar It’s so hard to believe that anybody cares about me- about me (Me) Cause I can’t believe, that life could be so empty for me And I can’t believe, that life could be so cruel to you and me I, pray Stop, and bury me I, pray Stop, and smother me Wilt away, like our yesterday Escape the mirrors of self hate ‘Cause I’ve been waiting forever, waiting for a moment to change ‘Cause I’ve been waiting forever, waiting to feel alive Scared to want more Scared to run away Scared to hold you close Scared to let it consume-me (Me) ‘Cause I want more out of this ‘Cause I need some pain and relief ‘Cause I want more out of this ‘Cause I need some peace and some sleep
20.
Porcelain Dream 04:56
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Lie together in eternity Finally feel the calm of the sea Talking about places we want to go and places we never wanna be A porcelain dream A porcelain dream- The glass on the ceiling never stays in place As two eyes roam the dark in secret embrace And I feel so much And I feel so much And I feel so much For you And I feel so much And I feel so much And I feel so much For you So lie with me and fall asleep So lie with me and fall asleep And taste all of my dreams Lie together with our broken hearts Watching the flames in our eyes dance like sparks I don't know where you've been but I feel what you feel But can we leave it all behind and fade away You make everything make sense Even though I don't believe in God The pain that we know- It's better to show some faith But I can't breathe here Why were we born Where do we stay How does safety light the way Why were you born Where do you stay Where do you bury your head Where do you pray How can I breathe How can I breathe Without you here Why were we born Where do we stay How does safety light the way Wrap your hands so tight that I can't breathe Dive in the deep with me for some relief Submerge with me Porcelain dream Submerge with me Porcelain dream And I feel so much And I feel so much And I feel so much For you And I feel so much And I feel so much And I feel so much For you
21.
Why Am I Still Here 04:24
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Fuck- why am I here? Why am I still here? I watch the days go by But does anyone see my shame I know I'm up late every night, staring at the sky But I'm wishing I was gone Seconds seem to fly but I can't fly away/ I can't fly away I hear my heart begin to fade/ My eyes begin to bleed I'd leave it all behind for you Isn't it cruel to love someone and let them go and let them down Isn't it cruel to love someone and let them down Cause I float like a cloud Drown like the sea Watching stars fall Cause I move like a cloud and sink like the sea And I sink like the clouds Drown the like the sea And everyone's in safety Sink like the clouds Float like the sea My hands are empty like me I lie awake Trying to find the innocence when I was young My voice aches I feel so low I wake up from this nightmare So I can see the sun shine on me I walked out of my mind and here I am losing all my faith No one is looking for me So why am I still here So why am I still here So why am I still here Tell me why
22.
Forget Your Name 03:49
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I'll forget your name but you won't forget mine I hope it stings like hell and it cuts deep so you understand my pain You threw dirt in my face Trying to erase the fear out in your broken place But you'll remember me and I'll never be here again I'll never say sorry because I don't think I did anything wrong I'm intense as hell but you're delusional to think you could just string me along I'll forget your name but you won't forget mine I hope it stings like hell and it cuts deep so you understand my pain You're in love with the reflection of yourself in my eyes I've hung myself so many times before that I don't fear the come down And you're so shallow So let me go I wanna leave I wanna pray I wanna be Only me I'll never say sorry because I don't think I did anything wrong I'm intense as hell but you're delusional to think you could just string me along You wanna live forever But I wanna die today There's no hope for me here I cut my skin and prepare my grave So goodnight and goodbye "Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”

about

This is the 2nd chapter in the ambient, grunge, depressed-core chapter of Avery Indigo. Sonically, Avery Indigo created a dark moody album centered around themes of death and loss. They explore their inner demons and in the process discovered the broken part of themselves that seemingly never heals. The little girl standing on a coffin reaching for her way out is the simple way of thinking about the trauma Wayne X is expressing on this double album. It is dreamlike, filled with surprises, rage, self-hate, mutilation, depression, and anxiety. It is a letter of hope inside the darkness.

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released October 29, 2021

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Avery Indigo Los Angeles, California

Avery Indigo is from the brain of Lead Vocalist and rhythm guitarist Wayne X. The story of Avery Indigo involves a stripper and a book about abuse and power. Avery Indigo first formed in 2014 and has gone through many reiterations. Wayne X was a kid banned from church, kicked out from high school, and abandoned by family. He took it upon himself to go to college as a homeless youth. ... more

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